My Fairytale Fantasy

`+._ fEeLiNg DoWn _.+`

Hi everyone... I guess now with such a hectic schedule going on, I would not have time to dwell on little little troubles that occur everyday. But when they all come together, I guess you can get a little depressed. I just really need to write this all out, but I don't feel like using my diary. I do not know why, but, I feel so troubled and there's this dead weight I can't seem to remove from my heart. I feel like crying it all out, but I can't seem to. If you people out there think this is about a boy, I wish it was so simple. Ever since I've came to TJC, I've been loving the life I've been living. No matter how busy I am, I still try to do my best. In TMS, my best was always good enough for me. However, now in TJC, I feel as though my best is no longer anywhere near good enough.. Compared to all those in the IP programme, I tend to always ask myself, 'Was I really good enough to get into this programme? How could it be?' The teachers say that failing is a normal thing right now, since we are still adjusting to the new system and college life. However, I still cannot see past what they say. My results haven't been at their best since I've come here, and concepts like Maths and Chemistry are extremely hard to absorb in. I feel so dumb sometimes when I can't understand things. I know it may sound as though I really dislike the IP programme. No, I don't. And I have no intention of quitting it either. I'm going to continue working hard at it till I succeed. Ever since my grandfather passed away, things have changed so much. Home is no longer like a retreat, it feels as though something is always missing. Whenever, my grandmother is around, her state always reminds me that my grandfather is no longer there. She never used to fuss about me as much as she does now. There are just some things in the family going on now that I really wish are going to be over with. OAC. I love it. It's one of the things now which helps me deal with all this nonesense going on. We have it almost 3-4 times a week and I love being around all my seniors. The only things is the time we end. My grandmother and mother are not happy about me coming home late. I shall not comment there. However, as much as I love OAC, there's still a thing in which I find seperating. The juniors are still 2 years older than me. I guess I still cannot really immerse myself into their conversations yet and sometimes I guess I kind of feel not together as one with them. I hope this feeling goes soon. Aside from that, OAC is the best thing in school to me right now. I will not quit it no matter what whoever says. It's at times like this when I really miss my friends in Temasek Secondary. I really want to meet up with them soon, but there's always no time.. I can't wait for the June trip to Bintan with Unick. I'll just stop here.. Phew, I got it all out, my heart feels a little lighter now, there's however still something which all teens worry about, I think that it's a really minor thing currently, so, another day =) See you all around ^^