A Web of Silken Threads

A friend just casually mentioned that he didn't believe in the ability of words to move a person to tears, i.e. me. I thought about it and realized that he might actually be right. Words contain meaning, but they would be meaningless unless you could identify with what they are trying to convey. A common experience, a common emotion, a common situation. That's how people connect on deeper levels anyways. Through reading other people's experiences, emotions and thoughts put into words, I realized bit by bit how similar we all actually are. The other person may be a complete stranger, but yet, upon reading entries that you can identify with, there's this urge to reach out to the person and say, "I know how that feels, I've felt that way before too.."

It's like a silken web of threads, so fine and normally unnoticed by those who don't take the time to look, but yet so strong that pulling on one heartstring inevitably pulls at the millions it is connected to around the world. The beauty of it all is that it sends a simple message to everyone out there that, you're never alone in this world, no matter how bad an experience may seem to be, someone else knows how it feels too, and there's someone out there who can possibly understand what you're going through.

That thought is somehow reassuring for me, it makes me realize that the world is so much bigger than ourselves and our little problems that seem disastrous at the moment. Sometimes maybe we should just close our eyes, realize how lucky we are and appreciate what we have. When you see the world in a new light with clearer eyes, you'll realize life is simple after all..

It's really humbling, try it =)

Thoughts on Family..

Hi all!

Firstly let me wish everyone and their families Happy Chinese New Year!!

Today was a rather tiring day, as all CNY Day Ones usually are.. Besides my recent constant late nights(my own fault I admit), the nausea from my motion sickness during every single car ride today and the discomfort of a bursting tummy... It made me reflect about how much family means to me =)

During the dec hols.. I realized how important my family was to me, and last sem, I tried to spend as much time as possible with my mum and my grandma.. Love them a lot and they've sacrificed so much for me. On Saturday when we went to pay respects to my late grandfather, I couldn't help but let the waterworks flow again.. I miss him so much and I wish he was still here with us.. Sure there are times when I'm absolutely annoyed with them, but that's all part of being family right? I read somewhere in the sweetest book my mum gave me for vday which says. "The great value of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you." so true! And on a daily basis, we always seem to take them for granted and don't notice the things they do for us, but at crucial moments when it matters, they are still always there..

Btw Oacians.. that is how I feel about the bond we formed and shared.. that you guys are people I would never have initated conversation with.. And I miss you guys! I'm always afraid we'll drift apart... Hopefully it's just the busy school term...

I am slowly learning to appreciate my family more and more now... Seeing that my grandfather is so ill, and something my grandma said, it makes me realize how scary it is to be in a world where both your parents have passed on, and you're old.. Imagine if you don't have any filial children or loved ones around.. it's so completely scary.. It makes me want to give my grandmother more love than ever.. Now as a 'kid', we know that we always have our mothers/fathers/grandparents to turn to for unconditional love.. some people can turn to their friends.. but what about those who can't? It's really a frightening concept that I have trouble grasping and am happily choosing to ignore now.. I'll be interested to know what other people think about this!

On a different note, it was refreshing to meet my relatives today! I rarely see them, and it's real nice to catch up.. All my cousins are growing up and changing so much as well.. talking to them always surprises me! And I learn that the world is a small place as well, haha, well, at least Singapore is a small place.. Somehow everyone seems to know everyone =P

Ah well.. I love CNY in general.. the whole atmosphere n mood is so festive and homey.. but.. the food.. is... making me fat.. I gotta go running when back in hall man.. running at night is awesome.. anyone up for a run? slow.. nice... long... run... hahahaha.... burn off the pineapple tarts... ba kwa... etc etc... I think my tummy's feeling kinda funny... needa stop putting so much food into it... haha..

Ok.. relatives coming over tomorrow.. gotta go to bed... nights everyone, and happy cny once more =D

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hi all!

Yes I haven't been posting...

Fell sick and recovered and somehow became more high than usual...

Had great loads of fun over the last week...

Once again.. my perceptions have changed...

This year, I've decided to embrace hall life and socialize more.. yes something did happen to cause this.. haha.. isn't it always cause and effect =D anyways, made me put things into a little bit more perspective.. I'm still figuring this out yet i guess.. so.. yeah...

Also.. today I was talking to a friend who's happily married, and we were discussing relationship views... He was telling me that at our age, uni, hall, army period.. it's when we grow the most, and change the most... People always b*tch about people who supposedly break couples up.. but my friend gave me a different perspective.. what if the couple, though they've been together for so many years, just changed? and realized they want different things in life, and that the person they are with, may not be the one suitable for the future? Then I guess there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else because you yourself just changed.. Nothing to do with infidelity or whatever..

I think with all that I've been through, I will never judge a relationship too harshly... it's an area with too much grey and uncertainty.. and unless you don't know the whole story, it just aint fair to judge. All the gossip and what people think they know clouds judgement... so I am resolving to try and keep that in mind..

Another thing my friend said was about timing.. Haha, I believe in fate.. But i don't believe it works alone.. I believe fate brings 2 people together, and gives them the opportunity to get to know one another.. But if it's not the right time.. then.. it won't work.. If no effort is put in, it won't work either... 2 people may like each other so much.. but.. wrong point of time in your life, will also cause problems.. Looking at my state, I wonder whether fate is mocking me.. haha...

I just realized today that I still have so much to learn about myself and what I want.. I thought I knew.. but apparently not... I guess I try to be in control, but there's only that much you really can control after all..

My friend told me that actually, he could have gotten to know his wife many years earlier.. they unknowingly crossed paths so often when they were young, but were never presented the opportunity to interact.. And he said that if they were given that chance, they probably would not have had that great impressions of each other at that point of time in their respective lives.. haha.. it's amazing how such things work..

ANYWAYS... Another purpose of this post is to post up a song I played on the guitar.. without my singing so that the music is not spoilt =P ahahaa...

CBlk 3rd floor girls would probably know this song since I'm always playing it..

My favourite song to play on the guitar!

It's called Two Voices, One Song...

And it's dedicated to all those who mean the world to me =) you all know who you are!

Thank you for making my life so far such a beautiful experience, thank you for making my life easier and more comforting and adding colour to it every single day.

To me the meaning of this song is that we are all individuals, and though we may be interesting, we are never as harmonious and beautiful as a song until we're all together.. There's just magic, and that magic to me is your friendship =))

This is just to let you all know that you'll always have a friend in me and that no matter how long how far how late how seeming stupid how early how petty how wtver etc etc, I will always be there for you!!!

Love you all *heart*

p.s. hopefully one day I get good enough to sing and play nicely enough to dare post it online =P

here are the lyrics!

So rare to find a friend like you
Somehow when you're around the sky is always blue
The way you talk
The things you say
The way you make it all ok
And how you know
All of my jokes
But you laugh anyway...

Chorus:

If I could wish for one thing
I take the smile that you bring
Wherever you go in this world I'll come along
Together we dream the same dream
Forever I'm here for you, you're here for me
Oh ooh oh
Two voices, one song

Now everyday there's something new,

And every path we take,

I'm looking forward to,

The way we try and never quit,

The way that all the pieces fit,

The way we know the parts by heart,

And sing out loud..

If I could wish for one thing
I take the smile that you bring
Wherever you go in this world I'll come along
Together we dream the same dream
Forever I'm here for you, you're here for me
Oh ooh oh
Two voices, one song

And anywhere you are you know I'll be around
And when you call my name I'll listen for the sound

If I could wish for one thing
I take the smile that you bring
With you at my side I can't go wrong,

Now I have all that I need,

And the sweetest sound will always be
Oh ooh oh
Two voices, one song

Oh ooh oh
Two voices, one song

*************************************************

Btw, this is a Barbie song.. from the Barbie animated movie "Barbie and the Diamond Castle". Thanks to lonelythoughts on youtube for the chords!

Haha.. may seem childish.. but really.. the songs and the stories in all the movies are beautiful.. really well thought out and well written.. lovely.. just.. not widely publicized so most people probably won't know.. especially people our age.. teehee...

Okie, gotta sign off and stuff myself with more pineapple tarts.. fatty fatty bom bom!

Nights!

Without Wax

Hi all,

Well I've been unbelievably behind all my readings, but at least im still awake for lectures and tutorials! Today's Ages of the Mediterranean lecture was so interesting! Incredibly cool.. Ancient history just has this mystic appeal that makes me extremely curious.. it's such a time period removed from our world as we know it, its very Romantic! (not in the romantic love way)

In lecture today, Prof Fairey was trying to find a way to explain how such a small population (the Greeks) could cast such incredibly long shadows in our history! I won't bore anyone with details, but one part which struck me was when Prof touched on sculptures and how the Greeks were the first to move from idealistic stylized to realism sculpture. Simply meaning that before this Greek Miracle occured out of nowhere, sculptures could fit almost anyone (idealism). However, the Greeks managed to mould their sculptures to exact depictions of the essence of a person, and actually able to recognize who the person in the sculpture is.

This struck me because it made me recall one of my favourite trivia from one of Dan Brown's book and Steve Berry's books about the phrase "Without Wax". Some people know it, some people don't. I'm just posting about because I love the meaning behind it.

This little piece of trivia may or may not be real, but the given history behind it is very interesting! Without Wax comes from the latin words "sin" (without) and "ceras" (wax). Some people say that it is the origin of the word Sincerity, some people argue against it. I'm honestly not bothered with the historical accuracy of its origins. I find it sweet for this reason:

According the the story, in Ancient times, 'without wax' first came about during the height of Greek and Roman artistry, when the art of sculpting took flight and became popular. Whenever a sculpture made a mistake, to hide it, he would pour wax over it with the same colour to match the marble. Thus wax served as a cover up, masking all flaws and imperfections of cheap pottery or bad pieces. If a sculpture wanted to authenticate his work, he'll stand 'without wax' as proof that he did not hide anything from the customers, and is selling them a genuine piece of work.

Applied to modern context, the word sincerity hence translates to without wax, meaning that all that one is saying is true, genuine and void of any lies etc. Like wearing your heart on your sleeve.

So when you sign off letters to friends who mean a lot to you, sincerely, then this could probably be what it means! even if it may not be historically accurate, it is so extremely sweet =) haha!

Moving on.. another little piece of Trivia is that our language is founded on Greek words.. If you spoke out of a medical textbook, you'll probably be using 50% Greek words.. Apparently, kids on the street who can speak Greek use words like anthropos colloquially.. any word with ologist, polis etc.. all from the Greek! haha.. Im so amazed by them, but i really think further explanation might bore..

Ooh one more thing about the Greeks, the Spartans in particular.. Boys are taken away from their mother at age 7 to go to military school where they will remain till they are considered matured at 30 YEARS OLD. Then they are allowed to marry, and stay at home, BUT! still have to serve in the army till 60 years old!! Haha.. if some people find NS tough.. omg.. this is 53 years of military! your whole life is literally in the army!

Anyways, after lecture Wendy and I just hung out for awhile before my next General Bio lecture and...

ahahahahah... ah well...

The background actually serves as a nice effect! Central Forum...

Oh, and in General Bio.. our Prof kindly told us that when we eat Broccoli.. we are eating the sex organs of the plant.. right... I don't like broccoli... lol! And he wrapped up a broccoli bouquet.. seriously no kidding... he said women should carry that down the aisle instead to solve the falling birth rate.. omg.. ahaha....

Okay... I really really should get back to work.. =P

Getting into the Studying Mood

Learning from last sem, I'm trying not to lag behind readings.. Thankfully.. Ages of the Mediterranean textbook is quite an interesting read! Ancient History is fascinating.. And when I know more, I shall blog about it!

Also, I got the presentation topic I wanted for this mod! "What Is Love Anyway?" In context of ancient times.. That will be fun =)

I shall share videos from youtube along the way, and so far.. two Hollywood films already link to the module! 'Troy', and 'Tristan and Isolde'.

Troy is one of the two first great epic poems written by Homer around 8thC BC. The specific poem that 'Troy' is from is is Iliad, Homer's epic of the Trojan War, fought between the Greek States of Troy and Sparta. However, Iliad is more focused on the tale of the Greek Hero Achilles, than on the war itself. "True to all great literature, the Iliad abounds in universal lessons." Quoting from my textbook written by Jackson J. Spielvogel.

The other great epic poem is Odyssey which i really know nothing about.. Should probably read up on it..

Apparently, these two poems deal with the heroes of the Mycenaean age of the 13thC BC, but it is believed that they reflect the social conditions of the Dark Age more than anything. Since Homer's world reflects values of aristocratic heroes, it deals with the aristocratic values of courage and honour. Hopefully when I've looked through the texts or movie more carefully, I can see where these values appear and how it shapes the decisions of the people!

'Tristan and Isolde' isn't really as linked to the module as 'Troy', but it's set after the Dark Ages, between the states of Britain and Sparta.

Sparta again.. Haha, I wonder why so many films have them involved, and always portrayed in a way that make them seem more barbaric, ruthless and unlikable. Well, Monday's tutorial will deal with Sparta, so hopefully I'll learn more!

This makes me want to watch the films again =D That will be a nice break! Don't like all the wars though..

Here's a picture from our first lecture, which my prof called "A Portrait of Time". It urges us to look at the large concept of Greece, not simply focus on the fleeting moments.

The Geophysical Structure forms the backdrop of history, Greek islands being a mountainous peninsular, isolated and surrounded by sea. Changes occur very slowly against the whole physical backdrop.

The person pushing the cart represent conjunctures, human systems which lasts hundreds of years, for example, Feudalism. Yet it's nothing in comparison to the timescale of the physical backdrop.

The events such as Icarus falling into the ocean with only his leg being seen, represent singular events that are so insignificant against the whole concept and place it occurred. Haha, I love this painting!

Ok, time to sign off, goodnight!

A New Start and A New Year!

It's been more than a year since my last blog entry.. and though I have been reluctant to continue blogging for some reason, I decided that I want to continue blogging again..

Perhaps it's because my Prof in my module Animal Behaviour told us that the best way to spread knowledge and news nowadays is through each individual student's blog. He said that it would be more likely for youngsters nowadays to check each others blogs than to go to his website.. haha.. I found it very true.. so that was the push that got me started on blogging once more..

I'm going to use this more for recording my little insights here and there that come and go too quickly rather than for a daily documentation of my social life.. I'll leave that to facebook.. I think it'll be interesting to read back and see how the way I perceive things have changed..

so... here is the start of something new =)

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

heys all!

first of... I'm so so sorry I haven't been updating.. especially friends who've been complaining at my negligence.

Well... prelims are over.. and sometimes I wonder whether I studied anything at all... 

annoyingly, We only get our results back like one piece at a time.. and I'm getting a heart attack about my Human geog.

It's depressing. What I studies hard for... I FAILED. but.. surprisingly.. Lit is ok.. so far at least. And I didn't study for that. weird much.

I really believe there's something about the feng shui this year.. 

It's not a good year for those born in the year of the horses.. And apparently, it's hard to focus, concentrate etc. I believe in it, those some may be skeptical about it, but it's my choice so i believe =P

Sometimes... seeing people around me happily attached and having such a sweet partner to go to and rely on causes something in me to feel hollow, empty, a gut twisting feeling.. Really makes you wonder.. what you are missing out...

Well, I recently joined fitness first and got a personal trainer.. and I guess it's unusual for someone my age to get one.. haha.. Liesel said the only people she's heard getting personal trainers are either overweight or much older and unfit.. 

Now... I'm wondering what my purpose of getting a personal trainer is.. I thought it was actually for looking good during grad night. Well, that is a goal, but it's only part of the reason I realized.. It's not so simple I guess.. When you've been fat and ugly before, looking good adds a hell lot of confidence... I mean.. I've always known that I'm not that confident of the way I look, especially since I was so fat in primary school and got called 'fatty'. Though those days are thankfully over, I guess that it did something to my self confidence..

I want a trainer to whip me into shape, so that I have no qualms about how I look. Its something to do with looking good to feel good..

I know a lot of people think I am confident of myself... Of my abilities yes, definitely, but.. sometimes, I get easily intimidated, I just choose not to show it.. oh well.

I can't help but sometimes wonder.. With couples all around me getting attached, why I haven't met a guy I like and likes me back. I'm not gonna say what's wrong with me because I know my friends will kill me, but sometimes it just feels that way. ahh... 

haha, ok, on a side note... There's this really cute guy at the gym.. I don't know why I feel somewhat attracted to him... There are loads of guys with good built good looks and all that there but he just captured my attention immediately when I walked into the gym the first time, but I wasn't really affected by the other guys. Weird how things work that way.. oh well... hehe=) 

oh yes... I finally went kayaking again!! Hehe.. and got a tan =DD I really really miss having a tan and I like how I look! yayness! Went with gew and kit.. and kayaked on singles.. ugh.. gew! you said you'd kayak doubles with me!!!!! My arms were so tired.. though we didn't travel far.. hahahaha... we were against the tide, so... yeah.. but the way back was only half and hour compared to one and a half hour we took getting to the place before turning back.. lunch at sea =) oh how i miss the feeling of being out in the open sea and bobbing around in the water.. If only I can find out what's wrong with my technique, ugh. I kayak so slowly!

I AM ACHING. BADLY. But feels 'shiok' to a certain extent, feels good to know I worked my butt off... hehe. hopefully will see results soon!!

and yes.. amazing how some people have the ability to brighten up your day with simple gestures.. hehe =) go figure =P

I shall add photos another time... nothing much to add though...

byeeeeeee!

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

Hi all! I finally added the China post, and it's below cause it was saved as draft =D Currently, I'm HOOKED onto smallville! Tom Welling is so Hot! and Kristen Kreuk is beautiful... they make such a lovely couple! hehe... I've finally managed to tear myself away from it cause it's time to get studying and I'm only done with season 2. I had no idea the series isn't done yet! I have up to season 6, but season 7 is already out and season 8 is on it's way. LONG time to go... haha.. read the brief summary.. sounds like it's gonna get a lot more complicated along the way. 

Yes, today... woke at 6am to send claudyne off to Canberra =( First time I'm the first oacian to reach =P I'm gonna miss you CLAUDYNE! boo.. Take care yeah.. Victor was a little too late to send her off.. by like 5 mins.. then we went to T2 to have Macs with M lim and his wife, April. I'll add photos another day. My eyes are burning... nights!!

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

ahh.. the voice they always choose for Prince Charming in all the Barbie movies are so... how do you say it? It just makes me melt... aww.... it's so... hot, sexy, charming, gentle and sweet all at once.. hehe =) imagine falling in love with a voice! I love fairytales.. everything's so sweet and charming!! *sighhhh* haha.. ok random... I just packed my room! it's neat now!! really =P left with packing my school work... heh.. needed to relax after packing so I watch the Barbie movie, Barbie as Island Princess.. It's nice! really? haha.. So what if it's childish? =D ok, good night!!!*

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

Heys all! so sorry for the late update, but here's my china trip photos! =D

My dad and I checked in really early, so we had time inside to go to the KrisFlyer lounge because he is a KrisFlyer member(travel real often, so get perks), and I had my first taste of sparkling water... not that fantastic.. give me normal water anyday!

My midnight snack at the lounge =))

The rather empty lounge.. This was the gold lounge cause my dad used his points to redeem a Business flight seat to China! =D

As I was sitting business class, I didn't really sleep much.. hehe... Can't really remember the name of this cocktail.. but it was yummy! And the service was really good.. Kept calling me Miss Loh, I felt so pampered and quite shy sometimes.. Almost everyone had like one row each to themselves, so I shifted into the middle seat and had an empty seat on each side of me! so cool =)

Yes. This is my day 1 shopping's most expensive item.. and the coolest watch I've ever had!! haha... there are black crystals surrounding the face, and the leather strap is red.. it's so hot!! red and black are such sexy colours! (Flamenco =P)

This is the range on promotion... Each colour and girl symbolizes a different personality, I love these kinda things! But this is too.. bling bling..

We had a yummy dinner just opposite my dad's apartment at the shopping centre.. It's this mini-steamboat concept, each person has one pot each, with your own choice of soup. Then, there are a great array of different sauces and dips, all really really tasty! so it's up to you to mix and match your favourite. Then you order the meat stuff and then cook and eat! yummm.

Haha.. I love the rose petals...

My dad and his driver/friend at the Kbox!

My dad and I at Kbox. Lol.. the previous photos he took with me were so boring, he didn't even smile, so he agreed to make a funny face with me this round, HAHA!

The bottles of bacardi.. I love the spotlight effect =D

My dad's water company.. It's a factory in Suzhou industrial park.. He insisted I take this photo.

This is the view of Suzhou Industrial Park from the window of my dad's office. Just look at the pollution. tsk. tsk.

Ha! water filtration tank! I was sort dressed to sleep on the car so yeah.

He finally gets to show me his factory, the last time i went in Dec 07, I was too sick in the car, and it was freeezzzinngg... Winter =P I honestly love the cold weather, but not when I'm sick, and not when I don't get to shop for summer clothes which i finally got to do this time!!!!!

Yes, fooling around in the car and in the office because I was so so bored. Spent around 2 hrs travelling from Shanghai to Suzhou, and spent around 5-6 hrs in Suzhou, then spent another 2hrs plus going back to Shanghai.. there's only so much sleeping to be done, I can't read on the car sadly or i'll get carsick, and music gets boring. Camwhoring never does =D lol!

My dad has a WALK IN WARDROBE. I want one!!! And a big full length mirror! ok, that I have, but the walk in wardrobe!! he's a guy!! I want one =P So I spent some time at night trying on the new stuff I bought, and my dad ask me to take photo and show him instead of fashion parading it downstairs like i normally would cause we had 'company'. Btw, I think green is my all time favourite new colour. Emerald green though, like our G3ek shirt (class tee)! I realized I really like Diva's accessories... the style is the kind I love! but it's only worth buying if the stuff's on sale.. like $3 - $6.. won't pay for a lot for accessories... I keep changing!

THIS. is beautiful yes? haha.. from the airplane on the way back.. awesomely breathtaking... No pollution =D unlike the air I saw in the last few days in Shanghai. No wonder the athletes for the olympics do not want to go there any earlier than they have to.. 

CUTE! The mini versions of the Salvatore Ferragamo perfume range.. my fav is incanto heaven=) it's really really like heaven..... sighhh......

and this! is my newly packed dresser! neat? say yes =D Bought the earrings stand from a shop, and came back to realize my mum had one too, and it had more slots and nicer design.. so my mum swapped hers with mine, so sweet =) she also bought it from China, but at a warehouse.. I wanna go China w my mum again, she knows all the best shopping places and she knows what I like to buy! My dad's getting there.. slowly.. better than nothing =) My mum gave me an extra jewellery stand, like a carousal! can see?? hehe, i hung all my necklaces on them =D

All in all, i really enjoyed the trip, not just cause of the shopping, but also cause I got to enjoy spending time and talking with my dad, and get the feeling of how it's like to live with him again, it was fun =D

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

HII!! Greetings from China =) haha.. I've taken a lot of photos, but am at my dad's office now, so I can't exactly upload my photos... So far.. it's been a lot of shopping, went clubbing and kbox with my dad and his friends, and met his girlfriend. yup. I shall comment on that later.. not while I'm here.. hmm...

The air here is really polluted. I took photos of buildings in the distance looking hazy, but I can't really figure out whether it's due to haze, mist or whatever it may be.. The weather here is rather eratic.. It's monsoon seasons if I'm not wrong, the transition between spring and summer. Hmm.. But I'm not sure. My dad's friend just said it was very unstable weather, and it made me think immediately of the lapse rate theories. lol. Not gonna think too much about it till I can refer to my books=)

hm............ i'm bored............. no one online now to talk to me.. I was also considering making my blog private to those given access only... then... i can write more stuff... ok.. nothing much to blog about.. It's not that interesting i know... I'm sorry.. haha... The update on the next post will be more interesting!

On a side note, I miss my mum and grandma...

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

hehe... I'm flying off to China tomorrow night!!!! =D or should i say tonight since it's already 2.30 am? hehe...

I went to watch Get Smart today with kit, ahahahha.. hilarious!!! good movie, really good =)

Then met manda, sam and liesel for shopping! I want sunglasses... but couldn't find nice ones... I might consider buying the relatively ok $18 one... not too bad... but.. lazy to go tmr. lol! we'll see when I come back...

I bought a nice necklace! Diva is having sale at the orchard cineleisure branch. omg.. nice and cheap for once!! I love Diva accessories.. but too ex... normally... hehehe!! picture of one necklace below =)

Yes.. I went back for Jazz again.. During warm up (at least 30mins), my sweat was already dripping!! And the combination was HARD. they have been learning it for weeks! Hard to catch up! Can follow.. but didn't feel good cause can't dance it as well as I'd like to. So i video-ed it down.. practice =) so by next week can dance it!! It felt AWESOME to get back to dance.. I shall no longer miss the classes!!! hehehe.

I love this pendant!! hee

Ok... most probably won't be updating till next tues when I come back, unless I can use my dad's laptop.. hmm.. maybe! hehe.. byee!!

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

JCTs are OVER!! *Rejoice* wahahaha!

I'm so so happy and relieved... no more stress for awhile=) look forward to the 2 days of relaxing before going off to China! hehe =D

Went for dinner with Jane and then we went shopping!! At parkway.. didn't have enough time to study.. Oh yes, we stopped by Syak's house to visit her cause she had high fever.. Get well soon babes!! And to the rest who haven't finished JCTs, goodluck!! only one or two more days!!! jia you!

Hmm.. just finished watching atonement.. Wow. Really shows how one little lie could affect and destroy the lives of others.. And the price you pay is that you live with that guilt for your entire life. My goodness. I never want to live with that kind of gut-wrenching guilt. It'll be torturous!

Well.. shopping therapy was awesome! Jane and I bought the same black spaghetti and grey jacket.. for like $12 in total!! so below =D

Haha... The PJs i wanted to buy... cute right? the polka dots!!!

I like this butterfly top... but its too big =( and no more size... leather straps!! so unique.. 

oh well...

Jane and I in the changing room, lol! This is the grey top and black spaghetti strap we bought! =D

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

hello =)

haha.. kit was just so sweet! he bought me a slice of cake from cartel and brought it to my place.. hehe so touched... just what I was craving for! I'm so lucky! =DD

Exams = dead. haha.

Today's geog and econs paper brain drained me. I'm so sure tomorrow's will be even worse. KI... which i will have nothing to write about, and will most probably spend the time writing nonsense. oh no. =S feel bad...

Maths... I've been practicing for Stats.. so I'm hoping to pass.. tht's all I ask for.. pass.. haha.. I think my JCT results are going to be a wake up call...

I seriously need to get something done about the stupid headaches. 

2hrs of tuition... watch movie.. relief from thinking.. haha... tired now... 

Sorry, I know it's very fragmented.. my thoughts are fragmented. I feel like I'm just flitting through today. Rather emotionless.. really. zz. ok.. time to go and get ready for exam tmr. Good luck to myself -.- ha. bye!

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

I've been thinking about this question for the last few days... What is it like to love a guy, and be loved back too? How does love even feel like?

Almost everyone comes up with criteria of what their ideal companion will be like.. but most realize that when they get attached, the guy or girl is usually different from what they envisioned. Your head tells you one thing, but your heart tells you another.. So should you follow your head or your heart? I think it's easier to control your head.. but it's so so difficult to control your heart.. Haha.. pride and prejudice huh? I guess the best way to happiness really is the moderation of desire with judgement. 

I've been thinking... all my life, I never had someone whom I really love, and I know love me back.. And I see my friends getting attached, happy etc.. Is what they are experiencing called love? I always think that I want to keep my first kiss and holding hands etc for that special guy, and that the right guy will come along. I know I love to love. Sometimes causing my own downfall I guess. I give too willingly, too obviously, too emotionally.. But I realized through every tough experience, I learn so much from it. It hurts real bad everytime.. But I know when the right guy comes along, and I know what to do from the experiences, it'll be worth it. Or at least I tell myself it'll be worth it.. I want to know how it is like to love someone so much that your heart feels like it's bursting, and seeing him makes your heart skip a beat. I guess I will in time. Sigh. 

After reflecting on this year.. I think I was a idiot. I didn't stop to think at all about what I was doing. Regretting now is too late, what's done is done.. But then I realize, I don't regret a single thing.. I was happy, I really was, and the memories of it will always be nice, no matter how much time has passed. Sentimental? Emotional? whatever you call it. I treasure memories, sweet things and thoughtful actions of my friends a lot! I have a whole box, of tiny notes, messages and cards from my friends ever since I was young. Each piece of paper holds a tiny memory of a wonderful time spent together. Even if the time was a painful one, it has still contributed to making me who I am today, and I believe that makes it an extremely important and precious thing to be treasured. 

I read something yesterday, and it really bothered me... I saw something today, that added onto that bothering in my head. But thanks to Jane, Syak and Dims.. I'm fine now =D thanks babes!! I've really got to section my heart and my head. Will have to learn. Sigh. Why am I a kind of person who is so affected by feelings? I always felt that when my heart is light, anything can happen as long as I know that the person I like is there for me.. But when that person is not, things just seem bleak. 

I believe in true love. I believe it exists. And to me, I think it is the most powerful force on earth, that links everyone from around the globe together. Love has a power to make impossible things become a reality. I think love is so beautiful, and transcendental. Sadly, love is also a game. I never want love to be a game, but, it inevitably will become one i think. Unless I find a guy who really loves me unconditionally. Wow, how amazing it will be to have someone to love you no matter what, to love you even when you're being an *ss, and will let you know and bring you back down to earth and wake you up back to reality. To have someone to love you more than you love yourself. That's really something. Of course, it'll only be nice if you love him back just as much. 

Thinking about this in a larger picture, I feel consoled. I do. For now, I'll just wait for that someone to show. Haha... I guess everything else.. will be a process of learning.. Just that from what I just learnt, I do hope.. that someday we'll be comfortable with each other again, and be able to talk like good friends do, like before. oh wells.. lala.. 

heh, sorry for the rambling, just needed to release =)

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

I'm so distracted and I can't study! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

haven't studied all day cause of headache and now no mood to study and tmr's lit.! zz.. 

die. 

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

hello.. 

Today was Physical Geog JCTs. bah. I doubt I can do as well as I wanted to. I'm sure that for the DRQ, i'm gonna lose marks here and there, especially for the Hydrology section.. 

Guess what?? I bought my new camera!! hehe!

see?? And I decorated it with nail art stickers so now it's really pretty! haha.. I love the quality! Started taking so many random photos.. that look so so nice =D

Hmm... after celebrating Liesel's Birthday and Kai Sheng's homecoming... which reminds me, the pictures are here!

All 8 girls!

The few of us sitting in Song Xi's Van going to Wine Connection =)

Our group shot at wine connection, my family! =D

After that night I realized that I didn't go out at all, except on Sunday to suntec to the IT fair to get my new camera=)) 

Seems like a lot of time has past.. but actually... not really.. but my brain's rejecting the idea of studying anymore.. Just when JCTs are round the corner =S bad. bad. bad. My mum just came back and bought me a super nice perfume! Icanto Heaven by Salvatore Ferragamos. However you spell it, hehe!!

The bottle is SO pretty don't you think? hehe! ♥♥♥

I guess the return of the horrible headache does NOT help anything.. it started coming back on Monday.. and it's lasting till now.. and ALL the medicine that used to help in the past, does NOT help at all now.. horrible horrible. Tomorrow is my Lit paper4 and I havent done anything since I finished the geog paper just now. Which reminds me.. I wrote 7pages long... haha.. 14 sides... My goal by Prelims.. would be to write 10 pages or 20 sides long.. I think that's at least I think, for a good A grade paper.. That's easy for Physical geog.. Human is another story..

I'll just take JCTs as a gauge of how well I know what I studied.. Lit and Physical Geog.. and Statistics for maths I guess.. Econs and KI is pretty much dead. Have to work much harder after JCTs.. everyday study. zzz. For now, I just want JCTs to be OVER...

One thing to look forward to... batch gathering on Saturday!!!! =D=D=D=D=D=D=D who cares about studies when you have that? ♥

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

bah. yes i know i haven't updated in awhile.. I've had a rather nice holiday break I must say... seriously at the expense of my studies.. The weekend after my last post was the oac june camp.. I'm not going to elaborate anything here as it is confidential information that the subsequent junior batches cannot find out.. but let's say.. I was honestly disappointed. Really. At some points in time shocked, at some points in time, I seriously had to control myself to NOT say anything. I guess it's all part and parcel of learning to be a senior, and not an oac instructor anymore. Also heard news during the camp that handover will be in march. wth. What about Titans?!?! I guess people who know me already know what I've been complaining about, and thank goodness this is my last year in TJC. Thank goodness. Another motivation to study very hard, not get any chance at all to retain. Lol. ok, not very funny but still. 

The next week... Oh right... I fell sick. haha.. slept, slacked.. studied only around 4 hours a day.. not sure what I was doing but I know I watched a lot of TV and surfed the net a lot.. Sunday, 8th, we went to receive Kai Sheng from the airport! Haha, he's back from taiwan for 2 weeks! 

Then... this week was spent mugging. Haha.. about 10 hrs a day. AND, I only finished atmosphere, without global warming =( and maths i guess... I'm so not going to finish studying in time for JCTs...!

Yesterday was a lot a lot of fun though.. Finally, in dunno how many many months, the whole 0506 batch gathered together again =D It felt so so nice! but.. at the same time.. it felt.. very different.. heh.. not gonna elaborate.. let's just say I had mixed feelings.. I conclude that I don't really like wine very much. Compared to rum, bacardi, vodka, martini etc.. ee.. really dun like and cannot take it.. I was having a headache by the 3rd glass.. 

Now... I dunno how I feel. I am confused. seriously. About something that hasn't bothered me in quite a long time.. few months, and now it's back again. Argh I'm so messed up. =( I guess I won't think about it too much now, after all what's most important is the A levels this year.. there'll be time for everything else after this. I just hope it's not too late. Was feeling quite sad and down on thursday after JTS w delta hc.. I dunno why I was suddenly like tht, but I guess I just had a bad day.. oh well.. gotta get back to studying.. I'll update more interesting stuff next time... I'm getting a new camera!! =D

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

haha.. today was a productive day! studied from 9.30am to 1pm, then from 2pm to 4.30pm.. ok i guess.. 6 hours.. finally finished hydrology! well.. I enjoyed yesterday better though.. I read a book called "The Templar Legacy" by Steve Berry. I love those kind of books! 

This book was about the controversies in the bible in the New Testament. The arguments and debates are the same as those the academics are making and I find it really interesting! In the books, apparently, the Knights are guarding Jesus's bones, that shows that he was not resurrected. Obviously this is fictional, but there are possibilities that it could be true! I'll put some quotations to illustrate what I mean =)

There are 4 different books in the New Testament, and apparently, the accounts of Jesus's crucifixion and resurrection all differ slightly,  thus, makes it so questionable. The discovery of the Gnostic Gospels also seem to support the theory held by the book. 

In everything we consider, there's always the language dilemma. "The Old Testament was written in Hebrew. The New was penned in Greek, and any source materials, if they even existed, would have been in Aramaic. Then there's the issue of the sources themselves." Once something is open to interpretation or translation, it more or less immediately looses its objectivity.

In the accounts of the resurrection,  "Each Gospel has a different version of who went to the tomb, what was found there - even the days of the week are unclear. And as to Jesus's appearance after the resurrection - none of the accounts agree on any point." It also states that "Whenever a problem exists with biblical texts, the solution is easy. It's faith." 

I loved reading this book because I myself have read about these controversies and thought about stuff like that. In the book, the 'truth' is revealed through Simon Peter's testament(which in reality does not exist, but I think reflects the author's thoughts and opinions on this matter), and I honestly have to say I seem to believe that account of it. I always wondered whether the man Jesus was actually a normal man, that was an enlightened being, but not one that could do miracles, but give people the strength to cure themselves, and give them the strength to renew themselves. I wonder whether these instances were elevated to become miracles, for religious purposes. One thing suggested was that the resurrection was actually actually a spiritual, not religious one. 

I do believe a God exists, and I do believe in religion, but not in any one general particular one, but I appreciate the whole idea of religion as a guide to living a good life, a proper one. And from all that I know of religion, every religion seems to do that one thing, give people strength to carry on, give people a suggestion of what the best way to live life is, how to be a good person, and tries to explain what reality and self is. They all seem to do it in different ways, but to me, they're all different routes to the same goal! =D I know religion comforts me and calms me down though, and thus I am not a skeptic! I watched a documentary, and the academics who specialize in these Christian controversies, are all believers of Christ, but say that questioning of the Truth is what makes it challenging. 

hehe.. just a little something I wanted to share, hope it's not too wth-ing. I think controversies, especially religious ones are really interesting!! I wanna read another book.. But I need to study =( boo.. ok.. gotta go and study again soon.. and I need to exercise!! eating too much. lol.. bye!!*

{dreaming.. wishing.. hoping..*}

sigh.. term 2 is finally over.. I'm really sad!! it marks the end of all interesting activities and marks the beginning of the long road to mugging for A levels. bah. 

oh! titans i got 10th.. im not happy, I'm relieved. haha.. should have trained for it but oh well.. too late, i'm just glad i pushed myself! and oh no my muscles seem to be building.. tone down time!!

Now that things have simmered down.. I really have had the time to think.. and.. I know what I want for some stuff already. I just wish I can turn back the time and have things as they were. I feel like it's all my fault that things turned out the way they did. What was i thinking.. I just want to talk. And clarify some stuff.. Hope I get the chance to do that soon cause it's really bugging and bothering me! Must study with a clear mind.. seriously... 

JCTs.. I don't think I'm ready for it. I'll just do my best, but not mug 24/7 cause if not i'll burn out. Can't do that before the A levels! But its saddening now.. no study partner =( ahh.. lol.. I miss studying with 0607!!!!!!! I think studying alone everyday will be so super boring. boo. I wanna study in school cause I can concentrate there, but there's no one to study with tmr!! bored...

lol, I asked gew to come over and accompany me in the oac room today and to just chat and have dinner.. I seriously needed someone to talk to, so thank goodness he came and made me feel better =) I went home to watch disney channel too and that helped! Now... back to mugging.. oh well... I hope things get better soon. I hate this feeling..