Hmm.. don’t know why… listening to the songs on joowen’s blog.. makes me feel so sad.. is it because of what I’ve been feeling recently? I don’t even know how im feeling.. I guess it’s cause im still unsure and confused.. hai.. shall just let nature take its course.. Memories of the past seem to haunt me these few days.. yesterday went to KFC with my grandma to eat.. the one my granddad use to bring us all the time, especially for treats.. My grandmother teared a little.. hai.. it’s been more than a year.. but I still shed tears for him.. oh.. I forgot to thank jw, claud n royce for the hugs that day at the Sennett park.. was really comforting.. =) and jh for accompanying me to Sennett to take a look.. made me able to steer my thoughts away from pure melancholy.. rain.. I love it.. as long as im not trekking… it somehow evokes emotions and feelings.. when im sad.. just standing under the rain feeling it wash over me.. makes me feel as though my worries, sorrows and tears and being washed away.. cleansing the mind body and soul.. when you are in the house, and the rain is falling outside.. its such a cosy and warm feeling.. somehow.. light showers have a calming effect on me.. I don’t know how to describe the feeling.. but it just is.. training today was quite ok.. so so tiring though.. lol.. my toes ached so much.. and I accidentally kicked victors boots (lightly) and my toenail felt as though it was going to drop off.. geez. Anyways.. I don’t really have much else to say… but leave u guys with this message.. there’ always millions of reasons to smile.. you just have to delve deeper to find them sometimes… cheerios! ^^

Hmm.. don’t know why… listening to the songs on joowen’s blog.. makes me feel so sad.. is it because of what I’ve been feeling recently? I don’t even know how im feeling.. I guess it’s cause im still unsure and confused.. hai.. shall just let nature take its course.. Memories of the past seem to haunt me these few days.. yesterday went to KFC with my grandma to eat.. the one my granddad use to bring us all the time, especially for treats.. My grandmother teared a little.. hai.. it’s been more than a year.. but I still shed tears for him.. oh.. I forgot to thank jw, claud n royce for the hugs that day at the Sennett park.. was really comforting.. =) and jh for accompanying me to Sennett to take a look.. made me able to steer my thoughts away from pure melancholy.. rain.. I love it.. as long as im not trekking… it somehow evokes emotions and feelings.. when im sad.. just standing under the rain feeling it wash over me.. makes me feel as though my worries, sorrows and tears and being washed away.. cleansing the mind body and soul.. when you are in the house, and the rain is falling outside.. its such a cosy and warm feeling.. somehow.. light showers have a calming effect on me.. I don’t know how to describe the feeling.. but it just is.. training today was quite ok.. so so tiring though.. lol.. my toes ached so much.. and I accidentally kicked victors boots (lightly) and my toenail felt as though it was going to drop off.. geez. Anyways.. I don’t really have much else to say… but leave u guys with this message.. there’ always millions of reasons to smile.. you just have to delve deeper to find them sometimes… cheerios! ^^

Hmm.. don't know why… listening to the songs on joowen's blog.. makes me feel so sad.. is it because of what I've been feeling recently? I don’t even know how im feeling.. I guess it's cause im still unsure and confused.. hai.. shall just let nature take its course.. Memories of the past seem to haunt me these few days.. yesterday went to KFC with my grandma to eat.. the one my granddad use to bring us all the time, especially for treats.. My grandmother teared a little.. hai.. it’s been more than a year.. but I still shed tears for him.. oh.. I forgot to thank jw, claud n royce for the hugs that day at the Sennett park.. was really comforting.. =) and jh for accompanying me to Sennett to take a look.. made me able to steer my thoughts away from pure melancholy.. rain.. I love it.. as long as im not trekking… it somehow evokes emotions and feelings.. when im sad.. just standing under the rain feeling it wash over me.. makes me feel as though my worries, sorrows and tears and being washed away.. cleansing the mind body and soul.. when you are in the house, and the rain is falling outside.. its such a cosy and warm feeling.. somehow.. light showers have a calming effect on me.. I don't know how to describe the feeling.. but it just is.. training today was quite ok.. so so tiring though.. lol.. my toes ached so much.. and I accidentally kicked victors boots (lightly) and my toenail felt as though it was going to drop off.. geez. Anyways.. I don't really have much else to say… but leave u guys with this message.. there's always millions of reasons to smile.. you just have to delve deeper to find them sometimes… cheerios! ^^

Hmm.. don't know why… listening to the songs on joowen's blog.. makes me feel so sad.. is it because of what I've been feeling recently? I don’t even know how im feeling.. I guess it's cause im still unsure and confused.. hai.. shall just let nature take its course.. Memories of the past seem to haunt me these few days.. yesterday went to KFC with my grandma to eat.. the one my granddad use to bring us all the time, especially for treats.. My grandmother teared a little.. hai.. it’s been more than a year.. but I still shed tears for him.. oh.. I forgot to thank jw, claud n royce for the hugs that day at the Sennett park.. was really comforting.. =) and jh for accompanying me to Sennett to take a look.. made me able to steer my thoughts away from pure melancholy.. rain.. I love it.. as long as im not trekking… it somehow evokes emotions and feelings.. when im sad.. just standing under the rain feeling it wash over me.. makes me feel as though my worries, sorrows and tears and being washed away.. cleansing the mind body and soul.. when you are in the house, and the rain is falling outside.. its such a cosy and warm feeling.. somehow.. light showers have a calming effect on me.. I don't know how to describe the feeling.. but it just is.. training today was quite ok.. so so tiring though.. lol.. my toes ached so much.. and I accidentally kicked victors boots (lightly) and my toenail felt as though it was going to drop off.. geez. Anyways.. I don't really have much else to say… but leave u guys with this message.. there's always millions of reasons to smile.. you just have to delve deeper to find them sometimes… cheerios! ^^

hmm.. seems like the past is coming back to haunt me these few days.. yesterday had dinner at KFC with my grandma.. the one that my grandfather use to bring us all the time.. especially for treats.. it's already been more than a year, but everytime i think of him.. it still brings tears to my eyes... I miss him.. oh yeah.. thanks to the girls who comforted me during training tht day at the Sennett area.. the hugs were really comforting.. =) thanks to jh also for accompanying me to Sennett.. helped steer my mind away from just pure sadness.. ^^ There's just something about rain.. it evokes feelings and emotions.. i don't know.. but rain (when not trekking), makes me melancholic and emotional.. whenever im sad.. just standing in the rain and letting it fall over me seems as though it's taking away my worries and sadness.. its like cleansing the soul, mind and body.. there's also something peaceful about it, when its a drizzle, like.. i don't know how to explain it.. and when it's raining outside and you're in the house cosy and warm.. its such a lovely feeling.. ok.. getting sentimental.. ehem.. back on track.. but i really love it when it rains.. just not when im trekking. then i dun like it.. lol.. hmm.. today had training at bukit timah.. goodness... my toes are almost gone.. and accidentally kicked victor's trekking boots just now (lightly) and my toenail felt as though it was gonna drop off.. darn painful!! We went to wisma atria after that.. ate at food republic.. in PT kit.. hai.. so sad.. but.. better than stinky.. oh ya.. and this feeling... it's been at me for days... i don't know what it means... i guess im still confused and unsure.. well.. i shall just let nature take its course... cheerios everyone =) there's a million reasons to smile.. just have to delve deeper for them!!

hmm.. yesterday's training was.. emotional. Lol.. the only word I can find to describe it. stairs training.. 1st round 5.30mins.. then 2nd round...first time in a long long time since beginning as trainee last time that I was on the verge of hyperventilating again at the top.. Was remembering kg and yc's advice everytime i hyperventilate. Then was ok.. but still.. that took like 8mins. UGH. Slope training was at the cemetry playground that i always used to go when I still stayed at Sennett. After one round, had a really bad 'stitch' on my right side.. I gues I overexerted during stairs.. Sitting down at the park pavillion, looking around at the familiar sights... Then the rain came.. and I dunno, but somehow it just induces the emotions and memories.. The time when my grandfather was around, we use to race up the hill and sit there and talk and laugh with my dog as well.. At the swings, he used to push me so high and i'll pretend to kick him and he'll pretend to try very hard at avoiding me.. It brough back memories of lantern festival every year when we were still staying at Sennett.. that's pretty much my whole life.. It brought back memories when my dad and i use to run to the fitness corner, last time he being faster than me, now the vice versa... Simply.. It brought back memories when life for me was so uncomplicated, my family was still one, my troubles limites to school work. Its scary how things can just change in 2 years. Now, my beloved ah kong has left our world and my family has broken apart. The tears just wouldn't stop. I hated the feeling. But then again, I wanted to remember. And I needed to see Sennett again.. Seeing it look so empty, so old and with the for sale sign on the gate.. made my heart squeeze.. what can I say? I have to move on? I know I do.. but.. its just so.. hard... I try not to show it to my mum, I know she's having a hard enough time, so i know i have to be strong for her.. but i guess once in awhile.. I need to let go of my emotions too.. Life as i know it.. is changing.. For better or for worse.. its perception i guess. But i know no matter what, I will still live life to the fullest and to my utmost contentment. And i will always smile =) May be my way of masking my sadness.. but hey.. its anytime better than sighing and frowning all the time right?? so now.. I shall do something brainless that kenneth yong sent through email.. lol..

~*YOU*~
1.What Time is it now? 11.30p.m, 26/10/2006
2.What is your full name? Loh Sze Sian
3.Single or taken? Single.. lol
4.What does your name mean? For my Chinese name... Sze (si) is from family tradition.. means.. ability to think, and sian (xian) means refined and adept;skilled .. lol..
5.Who picked out your name? my mum and dad...
6.What's your nickname? sian, ss, sze zi, xiao xian (courtesy of claudyne), sian sian
7.What colour are your eyes? brownish black
8 Do you have an innie or an outie? eh.. what's tht?
9.What size are your shoes? 7-8..
10.How tall (or short) are you? haha.. 166cm.. tall i guess
11.Honestly what do you like about yourself? umm.. that i can enjoy the outdoors etc but at the same time am able to do the other end of things like dance =)
12.What do you always get complimented on??? erm.. lol.. from relatives and parent's friends.. its always grown taller, prettier, slimer tht kind of thing la.. from friends generation... eh.. if from primary school havent seen me then is i've grown slimer.. LOL!
13.What is your worst quality? hm.. sometimes too impatient and can be bossy i feel.., OH! and i cant stand that im too shy around stangers..

14.What are the last four
digits of your phone Number? 3380.. lol? geez, wht's the purpose..
15.Do you think you're cute? lol.. only kyong will say duh. um.. i've been called that before but i think its a little weird to be called cute.
16.Hair colour? brownish black
17.Do you wear contacts? yup.. very convenient =D
18.Living Arrangements? condominium



~*FAVOURITES*~
19.Favourite drink? water, green tea, milo
20.Favourite alcholic Drink? eh.. dun really like alcholic drinks.. i'll sip a little wine i guess...
21.Favourite Month? decmeber! I love christmas =D
22.Favourite Food? hmm.. dun really have a favourite.. no veggie though!! and no fish!
23.Favourite Board Game? hmm.. not fond of board games...
24.Favourite Web Site? its varies according to time ba..
25.Favourite Clothing Brand? esprit? haha.. but only buy them in HK.. no fav i guess.. whatever looks good is good enough for me..
26.Favourite day of the Year? christmas! although im not Christian.. haha.. love the feeling..
27.Favourite colour? white, silver, baby pink (powderpink) and baby blue, autumn tones, khaki tones..
28.Favourite Animal? Dogs.. horses..
29.Do you have more girl or boy friends? Around the same?
30.Who's your bestfriend? My mum!
31.Are your parents together? no
32.How often do you get together with the family? About 3-4 times a month? as in go out to shopping centres and walk walk with the whole family. with one family member.. about 2-3 times a week..
33.Do you tell your parents or your friends more? i tell them everything.. including boys i like and what i do everyday =D
34.Anything special about your parents? they brought me up, gave me a home, gave me the most important thing, LOVE. =D


~*YES OR NO*~
35.You're a flirt? nope.. don't know how to.. haha
36.You're slutty? no -.-
37.You're mean? nope
38.You like someone? tht is a sensitive question.. lol..
39.You can keep secrets? yup, definately
40.You dance in front of the mirror? heh.. all the time *blush*
41.You smart? define smart? i guess so since im in IP.
42.You sing in the shower? yep
43.You liked Britney Spears? used to be a fan.. she's ok i guess..
44.You've liked a cousin? no!
45.You've been in the opposite sexes bathroom? yuup. lol.. when there's like only oac left in the school la..
46.You've seriously hurt someone close to you emotionally? NO
47.You swear? yes.. why would i lie about something like that?
48.You get your way? depends.. if my wants are valid then yup.
49.You're willing to try new things? definately.. as long as it's beneficial and i've thought through it myself and with my parents and friends.
50.You've cheated on a test? no! goodness. never even thought about it..
51.You've smoked? no way.. no intention to either. can't even stand the smell of it.
52.What are you wearing? eh.. lol? PJs..
53.What colour are your pants? umm... long pants? pink..
54.What are you listening to? The sound of music soundtrack.. it's the best!
55.How are you feeling? hahaha.. neutral..
56.What are you doing? chatting online..
57.What are you eating? nothing..
58.How many people are online? 43.. haha?
59.How's the weather? good weather! slight rain.. fresh air.. good PSI.. 25 =D
60.What's on your mouse pad? don't use it..
61.what are you reading? Labyrinth by Kate Mosse

~*GIRLS ONLY*~
62.What perfume do you use? normally use Lancome's Miracle
63.What's in your purse? um.. cards.. neoprints.. money?
64.Thong or regular panties? geez.. no thongs thanks..
65.Tall or short boys? Tall of course..
66.Blonde or brunette guys? ehh... brunette..
67.Good or bad boy? Good boys please.. but not mummy's boy..
68.Boxers showing? eww! NO.
69.Long hair or short hair on boys? I like clean cut =D short!
70.What do you find annoying in a guy? if they keep on disturbing or insulting you to get your attention. Guys who swear (vulgarities), guys who are too loud, guys who flirt too much, guys who do disgusting and gross actions and make loud comments at the same time (its a turnoff). But i can tolerate them =)
71.What's the first thing you notice about guys? The way they act around their friends, how they treat people, their looks and build.


~*GUYS ONLY*~
72.What kind of cologne do you use?
73.What's in your pockets?
74.Boxers or briefs?
75.Blonde or brunette girls?
76.Tall or short girls?
77.Piercings on girls?
78.Long or short hair on girls?
79.Good or bad girl?
80.What do you find annoying in girls?
81.What 's the first thing you notice about girls?

~*OTHER QUESTIONS*~
82.What was the last movie you saw in the cinema? Eh.. i forgot the title.. Robbyhood or something.. Jackie Chan's comedy..
83.What did you have for dinner? chicken rice
84.What are you hoping for? a lot of things.. but basically.. happiness and contentment.

85.Have you ever fallen asleep in school? yuup.. not in lessons though.. during break times in oac room, library etc..
86.What movie do you really want to see? no strong desires.. lol..
87.Tell us about those scars? bicycle.. scooter.. just walking.. running.. lol.. all on the knees.. poor knees..
88.What is your locker combo? my locker has a key.. not combination.. hahaha...
89.Where is your favourite place to travel? Hong Kong... shopping!!! I want to travel Europe!! Rome.. Italy.. Paris.. Spain.. etc etc etc..
90.You last dream about? I normally cant remember my dreams..
91.What was the last thing you ate? dinner.. haha..
92. If you were a crayon what colour would you be? pink!
93. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Miko from my dance school..
94.Do you like the person that sent this to you? Kenneth Yong.. hahaha
95.Ever had a crush on a teacher? nope.. thank goodness..
96.Are you too shy to ask someone out? haha.. its like against my value/belief system.. i think guys should always make the first move.. yeah.. old fashioned but oh well..
97.Scary movies or happy ending? happy endings definately!!! =D *sighs dreamily*
98.Summer or winter? winter.. we have too much summer.. but then again.. i love summer too..
99.Relationships or one night stands? relationships definately! no one night stands. ugh.
100.Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate... but with a brownie.. vanilla is yum yum!
104.What did you do last night? i don't really remember.. was very tired after training.. oh.. i watched John Tucker Must Die (movie) then slept.

~*QUESTIONS aBOUT THE PERSon WHO SENT THIS EMAIL*~ Kenneth Yong..
105.is this person pretty? NO! hahah..
106.is this person fun to be around?? i guess la.. only if u can tolerate his humour =P
107.is this person a close friend of yours? ok? getting to know him better ba.. oac mate.
108.what is your first impression of this person? HAHA!! called wei kheam sir de.. (if i dun remember wrongly)
109.what do you think this persons worst quality is? act zai and always complementing himself.. only kana suan instead.. better when he's not acting and just his normall self!
110. this person annoying? sometimes.. LOL...

IM done! haha.. okie.. shall go to sleep now.. nights!!

well.. exams have been over for about 2 weeks... has been such hectic days following them.. kayaking kraze, open house, land prac test.. hardly had time to take a breather.. and now that i have the time.. i guess i've been doing some reflection. I guess the feeling that sometimes you don't know the team members well enough to understand them or help them because you simply missed out on spending half a year with them. Sometimes.. you feel like you don't understand at all.. you try to, but you just dont.. and you don't want to pry unless told about it.. I used to know almost everything that was going on in my team (0506), but maybe it's going to be different in this team? Today was like deja vu to a year ago.. something similar happened.. only with a different bunch. I remember how shaken i felt, and the few tears i shed. I guess I was younger and more scared last year, never before encountering such a thing. This year although i must say i was still shaken and my legs felt like jelly, i'd experienced it before. All i want now is to be able to be happy. It's such a simple wish, but it's near impossible to find, unless i set my mindset towards a optimistic view. I recall always mentioning about waiting for my prince to come, but, i guess right now, it's not that important to me.. I'm in no hurry, all i want is to have a good time with my friends, go through hardships and emerge stronger than ever as a team and as an individual.

Hi! haha.. yeah i know.. long time to update.. haha.. i have officially studied for 1 month. I CANNOT believe i can do that. First time I actually am disciplined enough to just after school study, weekends study... My mum says she's amazed I can take it to today.. 2 more papers to go! Today is mooncake festival.. first one in years we arent celebrating with family friends.. darn these exams.. I wanna celebrate the festival! and its been one whole month since i went for dance class of any form. hais... guess what? hahha.. one more month.. and NEPAL HERE WE COME! i cant wait.. really really cant wait!!! Haha... these few weeks.. television has been my relaxation.. *sighs* especially when you watch romantic movies, its hard to pull yourself out of dream and back to reality to the stack of notes waiting for you at the table. ugh. Hmm.. realized quite a few of my friends are getting attached.. still always wonder whether it's a good idea to get attached at such a young age.. is 16 considered young? haha.. i may discuss and reason with myself now, but if the right guy really comes along and sweeps me off my feet, lol... well, then we'll see. Oh yes! did I mention that we celebrated teacher's day + kai sheng's birthday on the 25th of sept? haha.. MArche.. hole in the pocket -.- but such a good break from work... I miss them.. =( well, at least i must be thankful i have another batch now and the friendship of dims jane syak eugene and marcus.. Isolated myself from the IP level last year i realize... This year.. well... i think i became closer to those mentioned above.. haha.. although it is really hell sitting next to eugene and marcus... but entertaining.. ok.. can you tell that i am just rabling and going on and on about matters that aren't really that important? ya.. ok.. its the exam stress.. though i'm strangely very calm during these exmas.. feels like im just going through in a daze.. only today then i felt it for geog. haha.. before the exam (which was in the afternoon), i was lying on my house living room floor rolling about.. stressed? tired i guess.. and i really felt relieved the second i finished the paper.. once again.. made some stupid mistakes.. i can't believe i can't use a protractor to measure bearings.. got confused between using the compass and back bearing thingy. UGH. some oacian -.- lalalalala... my grandma asked me not to study for tonight, so i shall ramble and enjoy myself... Seriously need to destress.. chem and maths next week =S then tuesday after the paper =D 4 more days.. i can do it.. i've made it so far.. hahaha... self talk is retarded really, but it works. okie.. time to go for mooncakes.. ciaosS!