My Fairytale Fantasy

Feeling down in the dumps...

I know I always say that we must try to look on the bright side of things.. But even I know that it is easier said than done. Try as I might, I find it immensely hard to do that right now. I see a silver lining.. but the cloud overshadows it.. Maybe it's because I'm feeling ill, or whatsoever. I don't know. Since even before my birthday, I look at my friends, and somehow feel that I cannot fit in without making an effort. I sometimes may as well not be there. I know I should put in the effort as obviously, the world does not revolve around people caring about me, that's reality. But.. I just feel so tired and fatigue to actually care. So i sit silent, and just absorb in their conversations wishing that I have the strength to pull myself together to smile once again. So much has changed. Previous friendships have now turned weird.. Some people who said that they would always be there for me... are not... maybe im thinking too much, some may say im wallowing in self pity that should not even be cause there's no need for it. I don't care. I feel useless and not good enough for so many things right now.. old feelings are haunting me again.. and seeing something possibly budding in front of my eyes is not exactly a consolation. I miss the old times.. I really do... Did i do something wrong? Why have things changed so much? I find myself crying more often from the day of my birthday till now. What on earth is going on. Ok.. I may be too sensitive about my birthday, i may have expected too much and misintepreted how so called 'important' i am to some people who are immensely important to me. It seems as though some of my truely treasured friends forgot. Seems. May not be true. Just seems. I guess, I compared them to my other friends whom I never expected to remember, who messaged me just as the clock turned 12. Maybe i really expected too much. My sixteenth birthday is after all just another day to others isn't it? oh well.. that's the past. Kind of. Just needed to get some feelings off my chest. I'll soon be fine.. as always.. I just hope i actually mean something to some people, cause... they mean the world to me.
Cheerios*