Wow.. 2 posts in one day.. lol.. well.. went over to my grandma's house just now.. saw all my previous's house furniture over there.. tinge of sadness.. Then i went to her room to look at the photographs of my childhood days. I really miss them. When things were seemingly so perfect.. My granddad, 'ahkong' was still around.. I had a lovely childhoood.. went to so many places.. loved by so many in the family.. Lol.. was so cute! till about 6? then i boomed. Lol.. thank goodness the change.. Hai.. i dunno.. but looking at those photos always make me tear.. the memories of yesteryears still fresh in my mind.. Still packing for sea expe.. spent so much time doing tht -.-" lol.. well.. just came back from dinner.. guess what? this uncle sitting at the same table as us at the hawker centre started talking about the quality of food in Singapore, that people no longer know how to discern good and bad food.. haha.. geez.. i just smiled and nodded, my grandma politely answered him.. lol.. ok.. random but yeah.. anyways.. back to packing.. feeling better le.. also dunno why.. stupid heart. haha~ cya!

Argh.. This poem is titled...

You’re back again I see, please stop haunting me

It’s you again I see
Back to mess with me
Just when I’m feeling fine
You sneak up from behind
Bringing me down memory lane
Making me go insane
Why can’t you go away
And leave me to my daily play
Papers filled with memories
Stirs up images I don’t want to see
It’s back again
That feeling of doubt
Dangling the bait in front of my eyes
Causing my heart to wander from where it resides
I wonder when that day will be
When these emotions will vanish from thee
I hope it’ll be soon
That I can be once again over the moon
I hate feeling like this
I really do
So please I beg you
Stop haunting me, please do.

Try and decode this.. hai.. don't think many people can decode it fully.
AH WELL....
LIFE!

Lol... I'm also not sure... so confused.. darn these feelings..


WHATEVER. I hope it'll go away soon.. =(

hmm... i dunno how im feeling now... just went for dance by myself.. realized i've been taking lot of public transport on my own these days.. lol.. i am pampered in that aspect i know.. my mum's not in town now.. miss her.. hai.. going through what im experiencing now.. I really understand that a lot of people interpret things from what they see on the surface. My primary and secondary school friends thought i had a seemingly rich family. Strike one! Seemingly happy family, Strike 2! Am very pampered and blah blah, Strike 3!! You're out! So dun make stupid conclusions without solid evidence. *makes face* but i shall be contetn with what i have. I am. I just wish some things were different.. hai... ok, a lot of things.. I heard something that day, and it just amazes me how some people can do things behind other people's back, admit they're wrong, and in the end, turn back and say they didn't do anything wrong. This is called, going back on one's word, and whoever does these kind of things.. i can't find a proper word to describe these kind of people. No integrity? Low? Selfish? I don't know... these words don't seem harsh enough.
not worth respecting i must say. I want my childhood back. I want the pure, happy and carefree days back.. it's 10.. my study schedule has more or less been met today.. i hate studying alone.. its so so so boring! then my mind will drift and drift.. =( i need someone to make me feel happy and carefree like i used to feel.. where is that someone? does he/she even exist? hai.. i miss my mummy... is it exam blues? or just plain not happy? this is so unlike me... I don't usually mope, i don't usually sigh, i don't usually cry. even dance doesn't make me feel happy and full of life anymore... only being with people who cheer me up can.. blah... but that is something unavoidable i guess.. if u know my current situation.. I don't think many know.. It's not something i would love to share. But if u analyze close enough and know me quite well.. I'm sure u can see where my troubles lie.. oh well.. i'll try to make the next post a cheery one.. adios..

grrr.. there are so many ants all around my table.. and i dunno why!! so many of them and no food present! geez. I hate ants. so so much. feel so itchy every time i see them. where on earth are they coming from? stupid. oh well. As i said before.. I'm feeling better already. Geez. I need to lighten up. Haha.. thanks joowen.. you're such a sweetie pie =) So much work to do.. but don't feel like doing anything.. Feel like just enojoying and playing and playing.. NO! must be more disciplined. I shall stop blogging and start studying now. byebye ^^

blah... haven't updated for a long time.. kind of.. had kayaking today after a long time... actually had a lot to blog about.. but suddenly... no mood at all.. hai.. i dunno... why must things be so complicated? wht cant things just be straightforward and simple!!! So many things happening now.. so many things that I am unsure of and excited yet apprehensive about. What the hell. Promos in about 6 weeks. I am so dead. Spending alot of time with the yr 1 oacians now.. enjoying myself.. but missing my batch so so much as well... I dunno how to describe how im feeling now.. Maybe it's because Im just too annoyingly sensitive and constantly trying to interpret things from actions and words. I feel so.. not in the mood to do anything but just sit and stare and stone. WHAT is wrong with me. SOMEONE tell me why i feel like this. PLEASE? I hate this kind of feeling. Why must this kind of feeling exist? I need to concentrate! I can't keep getting distracted. feel like crying the feeling away.. but i don't even know why i feel like that, so how on earth am i supposed to cry it away? ah darn it. darn darn darn darn darn it. I hate complicated things which are directly linked to me. Why cant things just be simpler. easy. no problems. no down feelings. no hurt feelings. no lingering feelings. no longing feelings. no need for thinking of the future. being able to just do what i like without thinking about the consequences. just living the way i want to live my life. i love oac. and all my down feelings always seem to be because of oac. but i wouldn't have it any other way i guess. hai. what a downheartening entry. i shall cheer up the next time.. byebye..

Well well... My buddy is going back to China today.. sad? kinda.. relieved? kinda as well.. It's been fun though i must say.. besides having to bring her around till i am so tired that i can't complete my work once reaching home.. its been fun! Fridat was 2.4.. 12.03!!! Darn IT. i missed the stupid target by 4 bl**dy seconds. Was whining the whole day about it. And i think I could have pushed harder.. really.. I could.. WHY DIDNT I??? GAH! Training was quite okie I guess... 8 more rounds of the track... and 50 laps of the pool.. I love swimming...Royce timed me for different lap approaches.. haha.. never knew the timing i took for each lap.. was about 1.04mins.. slow fast? no idea. lol. Just swim. Had dinner at Macs.. couldn't finish my dinner again. ah well.. yesterday has store check.. the room was switched such that the kitchen moved its place.. more practical i guess.. It would be nicer when the whole team can come up.. now it's a little weird to only have 5 ppl entering the room. Store check took AGES. And the tents have not been checked. Oh well. I am officially sick of the haversacks. I packed them last year too.. did the same this year.. After all that.. Went to east coast to recce the duathlon route.. hai.. so much to do, so little time. Brought my buddy to city link, suntec and esplanade yesterday.. She said i walk very fast.. do i? ahha... never realized.. By the time i got home.. I was pooopeed... so so tired.. i think i buy more stuff than my buddy when we go out.. haha... my shopping need to stop when my buddy goes back.. kk.. back to school work le.. cyaz!

hai... emotions abound? gah..

Feeling something new, exciting and foreign.. while still harbouring something longing, regretful and memory filled. Ugh. Go away stupid feelings..

Family is like the roots of our foundation isn’t it? A parent’s relationship with a child is of utmost importance for their survival and development as a well-respected person in society. My dad came back home from overseas for a short break and I met up with him yesterday. Am I still mad? Not really. Why? I don’t know. I just can’t stay mad at people for a long time.. good and bad I guess.

Hai.. this term’s progress report was simply horrible. Initially tried to come up with excuses for myself, to soothe the ugly reality of the situation. Not a good idea. Better to face reality and work harder I realized. But it is still so very hard to sit down and concentrate. I know I can go on lesser ‘outings’ with the oacians and study instead, but.. what would become of the kind of life I lead? I shudder at looking at a life filled with studies only, I will never be able to do that. Never would want to do that actually. And also, I don’t want to be anymore distant from them as I only just started knowing them, and being accepted into the team has already been such a blessing. Will not do anything to jeopardise that.

What’s there to look forward to now? May seem like nothing.. But actually, I think there’s a lot waiting for me, hiding around the corner ready to spring out and shout “Surprise!”. Well, I shall embrace whatever it is with an open heart and an open mind.

Now comes the next problem.. End year expedition or Tian Jing Exchange??? ARGH. I hate that choice. Why on earth must the 2 dates clash so inevitably. Annoying. Really. And now, I don’t know whether I might miss my Segundo exam. If I do, my chances of getting into the company class next year will go up in smoke. ‘Poof!’ Hai.. Life. I really want to go for the exchange programme, I think it would be such a good experience.. Then again, I really really want to go for the end year expedition, wherever they are going. Blah. Now comes down to which I want more I guess.. At this point in time, I can so simply and easily say, “End year expedition for sure.” My mum already does not need any convincing, she said she would let me go wherever I want to, but wishes I could go to both places. Love her. I know she would rather I go to Tian Jing, but she knows how much the end year expeditions mean. So thankful to have a mother like her. My buddy’s family is already expecting me to go for the exchange programme, the teachers are expecting that too. I’ve been given so many opportunities but I can’t choose all. Darn. I have to decide soon.. someone please say something to make me sway to one side!!! Anyone?

*sigh* need to get back to my language arts short story now.. adios amigos *