Well... as predicted, i'm feeling a little better than I felt in the previous post. Talked to my mum about how I felt... she really helped me to put things into perspective. It also helps to know that she will not let anything out of the bag and her intentions are only good ones and that she will do all she can to help you. Such is the love of a mother. Thank goodness for her. It's a monday and I'm not in school.. why? Still sick, got an MC from the doctor, so, might as well use it to rest for another day. Have I told you how much I hate coughing? grrr... After every cough, my body feels so much weaker. It seriously is no fun. I rather have cough that contains phlegm. That would make things much easier. Ohya. I can't taste either. Do you know how horrible it is to not be able to taste for 5 days!! Everything I put into my mouth is.. tasteless... seriously... belgium chocolate ice cream tasted like cream yoghurt. I could even put raw cabbage into my mouth and think it was not too bad. Now.. If I can start eating vegetables without cringing.. you know something's not right. *complains* Hai.... I want my tasting ability back.. Food's no fun without it. Anyway... one night between the last post and this post, I was so mad about something. Boiling. But as usual, I'm fine now. Lol... why live life in anger when you can smile? =D Called Kar Gea and got his opinion about things. Served useful and entertaining to talk to him, got tips for titans, and also made me laugh. Thanks ya. Ohyes.. Cheerleading practice.. I must say its fun to once again start what we did last year. 1 2 down up. Familiar sound. And... I flew!! for the first time. FYI, flew meets to be the person being lifted into the air. Feels great I'm telling you. Hope we get champion again this yr! Right.. so now.. I shall get back to revising geog for the test tomorrow.. sigh... buhbye.

Feeling down in the dumps...

I know I always say that we must try to look on the bright side of things.. But even I know that it is easier said than done. Try as I might, I find it immensely hard to do that right now. I see a silver lining.. but the cloud overshadows it.. Maybe it's because I'm feeling ill, or whatsoever. I don't know. Since even before my birthday, I look at my friends, and somehow feel that I cannot fit in without making an effort. I sometimes may as well not be there. I know I should put in the effort as obviously, the world does not revolve around people caring about me, that's reality. But.. I just feel so tired and fatigue to actually care. So i sit silent, and just absorb in their conversations wishing that I have the strength to pull myself together to smile once again. So much has changed. Previous friendships have now turned weird.. Some people who said that they would always be there for me... are not... maybe im thinking too much, some may say im wallowing in self pity that should not even be cause there's no need for it. I don't care. I feel useless and not good enough for so many things right now.. old feelings are haunting me again.. and seeing something possibly budding in front of my eyes is not exactly a consolation. I miss the old times.. I really do... Did i do something wrong? Why have things changed so much? I find myself crying more often from the day of my birthday till now. What on earth is going on. Ok.. I may be too sensitive about my birthday, i may have expected too much and misintepreted how so called 'important' i am to some people who are immensely important to me. It seems as though some of my truely treasured friends forgot. Seems. May not be true. Just seems. I guess, I compared them to my other friends whom I never expected to remember, who messaged me just as the clock turned 12. Maybe i really expected too much. My sixteenth birthday is after all just another day to others isn't it? oh well.. that's the past. Kind of. Just needed to get some feelings off my chest. I'll soon be fine.. as always.. I just hope i actually mean something to some people, cause... they mean the world to me.
Cheerios*

OAC March Expedition 2006
05/06 Batch Instructors

Well... So much happened.. but realized that the juniors now know the link to our blogs.. so.. shall not say too much.. heh.. Whatever was said, us instructors, the seniors, and the teachers know, good enough. Hopefully we will keep those words of advice and experience to heart. We all love oac guys.. let's give it our best shot these few precious months left, and make the seniors proud. It amazes me that our seniors still have the ability to make us submit to authority and respect them, even after they pass out of oac. One day, i hope that we will all be able to return with sound experience and advice to pass on to the the younger batches of oac. I do admire and respect our seniors very much, everytime they return, we gain even more knowledge, and the best part is, they've gone through it before and know how we feel. I swear, oac is making me grow up and mature faster than i have to or want to, no choice.. heh.. good and bad you could say. my friends say that im missing out on childhood, but hey.. i love my life now the way it is, and i think i've had sufficient childhood experiences to provide me with enough lovely memories. Well.. we have to look ahead now, titans and june camp here we come!!! next obstacle... Mardi Gras auditions... and cheerleading.. my friends are asking me to join.. and with last yr's experience and fun.. i would really love to.. but.. oac comes first.. Hopefully we get champion again... heard that the dance is really nice this year.. Hm.. homework time... cya!

Life now's... still?
I don't know... how come OAC has lost the homely feeling? its weird and I hope the march expe will heal all cracks.. we need to remember we are ultimately still a team guys! I actually hope that we will scream and shout at each other.. as long as the cracks are healed.. Well... My birthday gathering yesterday was rather fun for me.. glad that most of the oacians could make it.. tomorrow's my Birthday! Time passes so fast.. it's freaky.. hope we cherish these few months left together.. i cannot bear to think about what the situation will be once handover.. the tap will definately be on.. sigh.. Well.. last night, was practising Rhumba Flamenca for Mardi Gras.. It's tough alright.. but its so lovely as well! Especially with the manton (shawl). What can I say.. the juniors.. haha... my seniors by right.. i wonder whether our direct seniors felt the same way about us last year. Well.. life's like that, so many things to do, so little time.. was late for the first time today... haish.. was rather worried.. then kheam called me lame when i wanted to wear home clothes to school.. lol.. heh.. im sorry =P darn. oh well.. turn out... that idea is quite lame.. oops.. going to see kimbo later... hope she recovers asap... must buy expe food today too...
hm.. i always wondered.. my mum 'allows' me to date by 16, which is tmr officially.. but... its no use if there's no one either.. haha.. still waiting for someone to melt my heart.. wondering whether its someone i already know, or someone still unknown to me... oh well... we'll see in time.. hahahaha.. that's all for now! byebyebye...

p.s. sorry, this entry a little disconnected.. heh... random thoughts.. now u know how many thoughts actually run through my head. =P cheerios!

xin nian dao le.. i was just glancing through my photos.. and I came upon the picture of my late grandfather and I, merely weeks before he departed this world. it's been a year.. but the wounds are just as fresh as they ever were. I will be visiting him tomorrow, and it always brings back painful memories of his funeral. I miss him, his warmth and love towards me. He was always so proud of me, and I was his only grandchild. The last thing he said to me was.. "guai" This will be ther first new year we celebrate without him.. And it feels so weird... why did he have to go.. Ah.. fragmented thoughts strung together doesn't exactly make up the best entry, but.. oh well.. not going to bother sounding coherent right now.. so I shall just ramble on. So much has changed since last year.. looking through photos brings back fond memories, yet, creates an air of melancholy.. Grr.. so much things to do.. so little time.. let's just say.. I'm glad I still have who i have right now.. and am making an effort to cherish them before its too late.. It's a lesson ought to be learnt.. Seriously..
tht's all for today..

It's a new year...

Heys all.. sorry for not updating.. didn't like the skin I had.. and couldn't find another.. I searched so long on blogskins.. and those skins doesn't suit me at all.. it's either so angsty or lovey-dovy.. haha.. well.. at least i found one i like now.. feel free to drop comments on my tagboard about the new skin ^^ Well.. I kinda feel free now.. I don't know.. I just do. Free to feel and care for whoever I want to, no strings attached. I'm finally going to turn 16.. But even though my mum allows me to date from now.. I'm still waiting for the right person to turn up and sweep me off my feet. Life in OAC is still the best.. I feel so blessed to have my teammates with me.. I'd better cherish them while I can, before they leave next year =( one of us has left the team.. what can I say? I was hurt.. by his words. how could he say those things to us? but life goes on, we forgive and forget.. One of the things I learnt last year.. don't make situations which aren't complicated, complicated. Life's too short, enjoy it, embrace it, live it. Cheerios for now! ^^

`+._ Thoughts and Feelings _.+`

Hmm.. I guess nowadays, I'm feeling just like I used to feel. A bit being taken for granted. I don't mind helping when asked or offering to help. But the annoying thing is that when people assume things, and there's a communication break down, some people get irritated and.. makes me feel real bad. They are irritated, that I can tell. And the horrible thing is, in the end, I ask myself, was it worth helping? I feel that the blame is on me and I feel really terrible. Is it worth putting myself through that? Yet I like helping people. To a certain extent though. Some people ask me to help do stuff, I agree, and then when mentioning the issue, they make it seem as though I'm their servant -.- You know who you are. Gosh, I know you may like to joke abit, but seriously, it makes me feel stupid, that I had been taken for granted. Well, I am just irritated with some people today and the way they treat me. Hopefully my mood will get better by tomorrow. Well, my braces are not as bad.. but still.. I wish it would stop hurting. I can't chew properly, it's so irritating. It's the last day for the 2-Star kayaking course tomorrow. I really hope I can pass. And I pray my braces don't hurt. Timing for 2.4km today, 13.50min. I should improve by at least 20 more secs.. goal by next week.. I really hope I can acheive it. By the time I leave TJC, I must be able to complete it within 12 mins. 3 more years, possible. Today's OAC session was on the facilitation course by Mr Fun. I guess we realized how important it is to know each other as teammates, our strengths and weaknesses. We all managed to climb the wall in 2 min +! =D Of course with assistance, haha, only Kai Sheng didn't need help. Well, this entry's purpose is for me to let out all my feelings previously mentioned, to wind off and cool down, that kind of thing =) Something learnt from Mr Fun and the tower obstacle, you have to dare to let go, in order to move on. It really applies to lots of different things. Relationships, the loss of a family member, being upset and let down over something, irritation with people etc. Just let it go! And look to a better time and day ahead. Bye for now ^^