Just another day~
But.. im feeling so many kinds of emotions.. simple satisfaction.. happiness.. confusion.. doubt.. all in one.. geez.. well.. a blog is so easily accessible.. I somehow dare not place names and deep thoughts here.. so.. I came up with a poem.. don't think its that great.. but just in the mood to write these kind of poems...

The title of this poem is.. "Waiting for It to Show" by me =)

You appeared and lit up my life
Leaving me basking in your glow
Weeks of fun in the sun
Lit my heart aglow
Then the expected occurred
Leaving me full of sorrow
I dared not approach
I dared not reveal
Into the shadows
Putting up a show
Months later,
I look at you and sigh once more,
The question still probing at my heart -
Am I ready to open it up?
New faces appear
New feelings arise
But in the end
They still round the bend
Back home to where you reside
It forces me to wonder
Do we really have a future together?
Standing next to you warms me up
Causing a tingling in my heart
I look at you and smile
Silently questioning your trial
I try to read your gestures
But to no avail and captures
I guess in time I'll know
Holding on and waiting for it to show.

Nights!! ~ ** =D

Titans...
Brings back memories.. There's so much i regret about last year sometimes.. not being as active in oac before april, thus not being fit enough to get any placing for titans.. Not going for june camp cause of the humanities trip.. huh.. Its the time of the year where i guess we start thinking about which directions our friendship will go towards after graduation.. Liesel's gonna go overseas.. guys to army.. girls work or uni.. and i'll still be in school. sigh. I hope we will still keep in touch. I still remember all the tears we shed together, the comfort we provided each other, and will never forget the strong sense of belonging to a family outside home. Opening the door to the oac room is like going home.. Im sure it will be very different next year with the juniors. Shall keep the sobs till handover then.. I realized that poems are a nice way to express one's feelings in the midst of emotion. Interesting to write... Oh yes.. dance class yesterday was hell.. those were some steps! only show one a sequence.. then do le.. lol.. the others all so pro de.. im sure they have had many years of background.. all know how to split, move etc. I felt like a floundering kitten! I hate not being able to split.. *grrrr* oh yes.. I just killed a crockcroach using the srpay and seeing it wriggling helplessly made me feel so so horrible that I had to close the door.. couldn't bear to see it. Hai. Anyways.. relatively normal day.. with tinges of surprises. Haha.. see ya ^^

Oh my gosh.. I'm so so so tired.. Can't keep my eyes open.. In chemistry class now.. I've been walking around the life science lab and washing my face trying to stay awake and concentrate but i can't! Watched Burn the Floor Yesterday and it was AWSOME! Love it.. never knew how beautiful ballroom dancing could be.. I want to take it up.. but no partner to dance with.. lol.. Liesel went along and she got inspired to take up dance classes.. Will make sure I remind her after june to join.. The girls were all so hot.. so were the guys.. and when they kick, their skirts flew so beautifully! And their legs were so graceful.. Its really motivating to watch.. Can't wait till handover for that only reason.. Want to focus more on dance.. But.. I can wait for handover for many other reasons.. Felt sad about what would happen after handover.. So wrote a poem on impulse dedicated to my beloved team mates:

I rarely think about giving away my heart,
But then I just realized I did when we part,
Never knew love could exist in such a way,
One that grew stronger everyday,
Not one concerning breakups and jealousy,
But one pure as anything can be,
A friendship that has lasted through storms and clouds,
And managed to face the sun again all smiles and proud,
Its something so precious I'll never forget,
Hoping that no one will look back with regret,
But rather that we'll cherish the remaining days,
Before we'll have to leave and go our seperate ways,
I'd never expected to stumble across this part,
When I realized I've given away my heart

It was a simple 5 minute job.. haha.. just felt like writing a poem to express thoughts and feelings.

Yes! I've finally have decided on a subject combination I want..
No sciences for me thanks! Geog, Lit, Econs and Maths.. Maybe KI if I can make it. Or maybe I will replace econs with art.. Then I can be an architect, or psychatrist (dunno how to spell).. Would be rather interesting... =D Ok.. good.. Feel like I've a goal now..

Just a rambling entry.. need to focus on chem now.. ciaos!

Well... as predicted, i'm feeling a little better than I felt in the previous post. Talked to my mum about how I felt... she really helped me to put things into perspective. It also helps to know that she will not let anything out of the bag and her intentions are only good ones and that she will do all she can to help you. Such is the love of a mother. Thank goodness for her. It's a monday and I'm not in school.. why? Still sick, got an MC from the doctor, so, might as well use it to rest for another day. Have I told you how much I hate coughing? grrr... After every cough, my body feels so much weaker. It seriously is no fun. I rather have cough that contains phlegm. That would make things much easier. Ohya. I can't taste either. Do you know how horrible it is to not be able to taste for 5 days!! Everything I put into my mouth is.. tasteless... seriously... belgium chocolate ice cream tasted like cream yoghurt. I could even put raw cabbage into my mouth and think it was not too bad. Now.. If I can start eating vegetables without cringing.. you know something's not right. *complains* Hai.... I want my tasting ability back.. Food's no fun without it. Anyway... one night between the last post and this post, I was so mad about something. Boiling. But as usual, I'm fine now. Lol... why live life in anger when you can smile? =D Called Kar Gea and got his opinion about things. Served useful and entertaining to talk to him, got tips for titans, and also made me laugh. Thanks ya. Ohyes.. Cheerleading practice.. I must say its fun to once again start what we did last year. 1 2 down up. Familiar sound. And... I flew!! for the first time. FYI, flew meets to be the person being lifted into the air. Feels great I'm telling you. Hope we get champion again this yr! Right.. so now.. I shall get back to revising geog for the test tomorrow.. sigh... buhbye.

Feeling down in the dumps...

I know I always say that we must try to look on the bright side of things.. But even I know that it is easier said than done. Try as I might, I find it immensely hard to do that right now. I see a silver lining.. but the cloud overshadows it.. Maybe it's because I'm feeling ill, or whatsoever. I don't know. Since even before my birthday, I look at my friends, and somehow feel that I cannot fit in without making an effort. I sometimes may as well not be there. I know I should put in the effort as obviously, the world does not revolve around people caring about me, that's reality. But.. I just feel so tired and fatigue to actually care. So i sit silent, and just absorb in their conversations wishing that I have the strength to pull myself together to smile once again. So much has changed. Previous friendships have now turned weird.. Some people who said that they would always be there for me... are not... maybe im thinking too much, some may say im wallowing in self pity that should not even be cause there's no need for it. I don't care. I feel useless and not good enough for so many things right now.. old feelings are haunting me again.. and seeing something possibly budding in front of my eyes is not exactly a consolation. I miss the old times.. I really do... Did i do something wrong? Why have things changed so much? I find myself crying more often from the day of my birthday till now. What on earth is going on. Ok.. I may be too sensitive about my birthday, i may have expected too much and misintepreted how so called 'important' i am to some people who are immensely important to me. It seems as though some of my truely treasured friends forgot. Seems. May not be true. Just seems. I guess, I compared them to my other friends whom I never expected to remember, who messaged me just as the clock turned 12. Maybe i really expected too much. My sixteenth birthday is after all just another day to others isn't it? oh well.. that's the past. Kind of. Just needed to get some feelings off my chest. I'll soon be fine.. as always.. I just hope i actually mean something to some people, cause... they mean the world to me.
Cheerios*

OAC March Expedition 2006
05/06 Batch Instructors

Well... So much happened.. but realized that the juniors now know the link to our blogs.. so.. shall not say too much.. heh.. Whatever was said, us instructors, the seniors, and the teachers know, good enough. Hopefully we will keep those words of advice and experience to heart. We all love oac guys.. let's give it our best shot these few precious months left, and make the seniors proud. It amazes me that our seniors still have the ability to make us submit to authority and respect them, even after they pass out of oac. One day, i hope that we will all be able to return with sound experience and advice to pass on to the the younger batches of oac. I do admire and respect our seniors very much, everytime they return, we gain even more knowledge, and the best part is, they've gone through it before and know how we feel. I swear, oac is making me grow up and mature faster than i have to or want to, no choice.. heh.. good and bad you could say. my friends say that im missing out on childhood, but hey.. i love my life now the way it is, and i think i've had sufficient childhood experiences to provide me with enough lovely memories. Well.. we have to look ahead now, titans and june camp here we come!!! next obstacle... Mardi Gras auditions... and cheerleading.. my friends are asking me to join.. and with last yr's experience and fun.. i would really love to.. but.. oac comes first.. Hopefully we get champion again... heard that the dance is really nice this year.. Hm.. homework time... cya!

Life now's... still?
I don't know... how come OAC has lost the homely feeling? its weird and I hope the march expe will heal all cracks.. we need to remember we are ultimately still a team guys! I actually hope that we will scream and shout at each other.. as long as the cracks are healed.. Well... My birthday gathering yesterday was rather fun for me.. glad that most of the oacians could make it.. tomorrow's my Birthday! Time passes so fast.. it's freaky.. hope we cherish these few months left together.. i cannot bear to think about what the situation will be once handover.. the tap will definately be on.. sigh.. Well.. last night, was practising Rhumba Flamenca for Mardi Gras.. It's tough alright.. but its so lovely as well! Especially with the manton (shawl). What can I say.. the juniors.. haha... my seniors by right.. i wonder whether our direct seniors felt the same way about us last year. Well.. life's like that, so many things to do, so little time.. was late for the first time today... haish.. was rather worried.. then kheam called me lame when i wanted to wear home clothes to school.. lol.. heh.. im sorry =P darn. oh well.. turn out... that idea is quite lame.. oops.. going to see kimbo later... hope she recovers asap... must buy expe food today too...
hm.. i always wondered.. my mum 'allows' me to date by 16, which is tmr officially.. but... its no use if there's no one either.. haha.. still waiting for someone to melt my heart.. wondering whether its someone i already know, or someone still unknown to me... oh well... we'll see in time.. hahahaha.. that's all for now! byebyebye...

p.s. sorry, this entry a little disconnected.. heh... random thoughts.. now u know how many thoughts actually run through my head. =P cheerios!